Today...

Thursday, July 31, 2008

It is blazing hot outside. I finally broke down and turned on my air conditioning. It probably doesn’t help that I have been washing floors, vacuuming and dusting for the past 2 hours. My house was a disaster and it is finally starting to shape up again! This is not how I expected my house to be this summer. I totally thought I would have it together enough to keep it neat and clean. I guess that is how things go. I went in to get my tattoos in preparation for my radiation. It starts in just over a week. I am nervous. I am nervous about how I am going to feel during radiation. I am nervous to see how my body and skin are going to react to the radiation. I am nervous about what my body is going to look like after the radiation. I am nervous that the radiation won’t work and the cancer will return with a vengeance. I have been reading a lot on breast cancer and while it is necessary to get all the information, it becomes extremely overwhelming. Cancer is overwhelming. It takes over your life – is that obvious? Now it is starting to storm outside and I love that! I am not so concerned about my health right now, but I am really concerned about my health in the future. So many of the people with cancer say that they were diagnosed really early in the game and that after surgery they were considered cured and then shortly after were diagnosed with cancer again and this time it was much worse. I don’t know if I could handle much worse. I read about these people and I am in awe of how they cope. It is pouring outside. Thank goodness – now I don’t have to water the grass. It has been my responsibility this week because Tom is out of town. We leave for Florida in a couple of days. I am really looking forward to it. I am looking forward to spending time with Tom without getting interrupted by phone calls or emails or business trips. I just want to gossip and laugh and eat and read and sit by the pool and swim in the ocean and pretend that I am not sick and that I am not starting radiation the day we get back. So, now I am heading back up stairs to vacuum my bedroom. Hopefully I will be able to pull out the “cancer card” when we get back and get out of doing it again for a while!