Had a bad day...

I am exhausted. I am completely drained and I feel like I am having an all out meltdown! I wanted to get a few thoughts down on the crazy weekend. My cousin got married so we had a lot of my dad's family in town. It was so fun having everyone around. It also made my mom's situation really overwhelming. She has always been the social coordinator in our family. She was the ultimate hostess and I am sure that is why Kathy and I love having people over to our houses as well. Not only did I spend almost the entire day at an FTD conference where I think I cried for a total of about 3 hours, but then we spent several hours at my parents house where my mom being sick was so obvious. We were looking at old pictures, which I love to do. My mom remembered a lot of the events that were captured in the photos but she was not herself. I hate being reminded that she is never going to be herself. Kathy and I have the hardest time remembering how she used to be. She was the best mom and she was our best friend. We told her everything. Now, we can't tell her anything. People asked her different questions and she couldn't answer any of them how she normally would. She roamed around the house while everyone was there. Usually, she wouldn't have missed a minute of the socializing. She would be the most outgoing, the most fun, the person everyone wanted to be around. My cousins loved her. She was their favorite aunt and they always wanted to stay at our house. The house is so different. It is unorganized and their is something about it that just highlights my moms illness. I can't believe how depressing this post is turning out to be. I'll make up for it! I am having an absolutely horrible day.