Monday, August 10, 2009
Had a bad day...
I am exhausted. I am completely drained and I feel like I am having an all out meltdown! I wanted to get a few thoughts down on the crazy weekend. My cousin got married so we had a lot of my dad's family in town. It was so fun having everyone around. It also made my mom's situation really overwhelming. She has always been the social coordinator in our family. She was the ultimate hostess and I am sure that is why Kathy and I love having people over to our houses as well. Not only did I spend almost the entire day at an FTD conference where I think I cried for a total of about 3 hours, but then we spent several hours at my parents house where my mom being sick was so obvious. We were looking at old pictures, which I love to do. My mom remembered a lot of the events that were captured in the photos but she was not herself. I hate being reminded that she is never going to be herself. Kathy and I have the hardest time remembering how she used to be. She was the best mom and she was our best friend. We told her everything. Now, we can't tell her anything. People asked her different questions and she couldn't answer any of them how she normally would. She roamed around the house while everyone was there. Usually, she wouldn't have missed a minute of the socializing. She would be the most outgoing, the most fun, the person everyone wanted to be around. My cousins loved her. She was their favorite aunt and they always wanted to stay at our house. The house is so different. It is unorganized and their is something about it that just highlights my moms illness. I can't believe how depressing this post is turning out to be. I'll make up for it! I am having an absolutely horrible day.
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4 comments:
Hi Kim,
I am so sorry about your mother. Dementia is such a sad disease. Allow yourself time to grieve and continue to blog so we can love you through this tough time in your life.
Hi Kim, I saw your blog link on Facebook and I hope you don't mind me reading it. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom being so sick and her illness. I met your Mom about 14 years ago when I was just 17 and she always made me feel so welcome and warm and like someone I could talk to for hours. I loved seeing her over the years at my wedding and other weddings from time to time and I know what a strong bond you and your sisters have with her and it breaks my heart to read your pain. I lost my father in November to Liver Disease (which affects mental and physical functioning) and watched him suffer and become just the shell of the man I once knew for about 3 years before the Lord finally took away his sufferring. His illness and his death has changed me forever, but I also cling to all those non sick memories we had together and that usually gets me out of my grief and anger. Anyway I just want you to know that you and your Mom are in my prayers and I'm hear if you ever want to talk.
Take care,
Leigh Heerema
Hi Kim, just staying up late tonight. I keep thinking of my own Mom. I decided to look at blogs I follow and here was your post. It makes alot of sense that you and your sister want to remember how she was, and sometimes it feels like you 'forget' how she used to be. My sister and I feel the same way. hugs go you and I wish I had more words to convey something to help you through this.
Hello Kim,
I am going through an early stage of grieving - my mom was diagnosed with FLD about 14 months ago and I already miss her so much. Occasionally I get a glance at who she used to be, but I just can't call her up and have a good laugh anymore. Best to you and your family.
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